Random Stuff #1: The choices we don’t make

I choose to struggle with me. Somehow I do not work as a whole. What the heart desires collides too often with what the brain decides. I keep pushing for the cold, hard facts. Making myself believe that what I assume to know is what everybody else will do.

I choose to believe what hurt mind and broken soul decided in collaboration. Together they piece a cynic view, a rationalist thought about everything and everyone I see.

I choose the believe that you are smiling at me because you want something. That your subtle touch means not that you like me, but that I owe you something. I expect no-thing and hence I shall not be disappointed. But then again, I won’t be able to handle some-thing.

Therefore I choose to hate being in love. Being victim to all the feelings and ridicule thoughts and falsely planted hope. Not being able to sleep because my mind had to cross-reference all of your signs and run possible what-ifs while my heart got itself high on memories. And takes off on a butterfly.

 

(Something scribbled down around 6 years ago)

Writing Block and July Book Haul

Oh! Hi. Fancy meeting you here.

Have not written anything in weeks. Don’t know why. I think I may be afraid of delving into the details of the stories. Carving them out of the Blob of an idea I dropped out of my mind months ago.

And I also continue buying books without reading a lot. I mean I have 25 books read so far, but still I feel like I am behind because I bought so many.

Here’s the latest Haul, somehow this year is the year of Trilogies.

  • Misspent Youth [Commonwealth Saga Prequel] – Peter F.Hamilton
  • Judas Unchained [Commonwealth Saga] –  Peter F. Hamilton
  • Pandora’s Star [Commonwealth Saga] –  Peter F.Hamilton
  • The Three Body Problem [Three Body Problem 1] – Cixin Liu
  • The Dark Forest – Cixin Liu [Three Body Problem 2] – Cixin Liu
  • Death’s End –  Cixin Liu [Three Body Problem 3] – Cixin Liu
  • Ancillary Justice [Imperial March 1] – Ann Leckie
  • Ancillary Sword [Imperial March 2] – Ann Leckie
  • Ancillary Mercy [Imperial March 3] – Ann Leckie
  • Descender Volume 4: Orbital Mechanics –  Jeff Lemire
  • Monstress Volume 2: The Blood – Morjorie Liu
  • His Dark Materials [1-3] –  Philip Pullman

Hopefully this writing block is coming to an end soon.